


Grief

by Raise_a_Roselia



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raise_a_Roselia/pseuds/Raise_a_Roselia
Summary: After a tragic accident takes Roselia's leader, Lisa has to try to cope with living a life without her dearest friend; a task that does not come easily to the normally strong girl.
Comments: 25
Kudos: 44





	1. Prologue

It had been just an ordinary day. Everyone had woken up in the morning. Everyone went to school. Afterwards they all met up for rehearsal. Ako even convinced them all to go to a family restaurant after. They got a huge plate of fries to share. Sayo ate most of them. Lisa fed a few to Yukina. Rinko giggled softly. But everyone was smiling. If only time had stood still in that moment.

"Sure is cold out," Lisa noted as she walked with Yukina, her breath coming out in a fog. The girls had parted ways after leaving the restaurant and so Lisa and Yukina made their trek home in each other's company. Yukina took a step and her foot slid, throwing her off balance.

"Woah, careful!" Lisa said as she caught Yukina.

"Thank you," Yukina replied, steadying herself. "It really is winter then."

"Yep. We better watch our step."

They continued on in silence for a few more minutes. The occasional headlights would drift by as a car passed them. After some time, Yukina stepped closer to Lisa, holding herself against her and looping her arm through the brunette's.

"You did good at rehearsal today," Yukina mumbled.

"Eh?" Lisa blinked, surprised by Yukina's sudden closeness. She felt her face warm. "Oh ah, thanks."

"I know I don't express my feelings much. I try to put them in my music but I'm not always sure it comes across."

"Yukina, what is this all of a sudden?"

"Nothing. I'm just glad you've been by my side all these years."

"You don't have to tell me that," Lisa brushed it off, though she hoped it was too dark for Yukina to see how red her face was turning. "I've been with you this long, could I really consider myself your friend if I didn't have an idea of how you feel."

"You're right," Yukina said with a small smile. "I shouldn't underestimate you."

"Indeed you shouldn't."

Yukina rested her head against Lisa's shoulder as they walked.

"I'm glad I formed Roselia. I think we all have a bright future. We're going to do great things." She paused. "I... No, we are going to make my dad proud."

"Yukina~ you're dad's already proud of you," Lisa lightly chastised her. "Your dad has been proud of you for a long time. You don't need to do anything to make him proud."

"Hm," was Yukina's only response.

After another minute of walking, Yukina broke from Lisa's side, striding a few steps ahead and spinning around while Lisa stopped and stared at her.

"Lisa."

"What is it?"

Yukina held out her hand to the other girl.

"Louder, you're my everything."

Lisa began to feel her cheeks redden again.

"Your sound, overflowing with light," Yukina continued.

Lisa felt tears begin to build.

"With my sound tries to... Wants to tell you,"

Lisa smiled and started stepping towards the singer, Yukina's silver hair almost glittering with every light it picked up.

"I'm movin' on with you," Yukina began to step back, leading Lisa.

"Movin on with you," Lisa gave the response.

"I want to give you everything."

These were the moments Lisa loved. The rare moments when Yukina was overcome with her need to sing.

"I was there because of you."

Tears now began to roll down Lisa's face, streaking down here cheeks.

"No more need to cry, I'm-"

Having been too focused on Yukina, Lisa failed to notice how close they had come to the next intersection. It was all so sudden.

Bright lights.

A blaring horn.

A sickening crunch.

Lisa blinked. 

A truck. 

Where Yukina was.

Yukina, where's Yukina. 

Lisa's head spun rapidly.

Her eyes settled on a motionless form in the middle of the road.

Lisa stumbled towards it.

Silver hair.

Glittering in the headlights.

"Yukina?"

Red pooling.

Lisa fell to her knees.

"YUKINAAAAAAA!"


	2. Stage 1: Denial

"Imai-san!"

Lisa jumped, standing up quickly. The teacher at the front of the room glared at her as a couple other students turned to see what she had been called out for.

"Ah yes, sensei?" Lisa responded, trying to sound polite.

"School may almost be over but I'd appreciate it if you paid attention until the bell," the teacher chastised her. "If you're well enough to come back to school, you're well enough to pay attention."

"Yes, sensei. I'm sorry." 

She wanted to ask what the teacher meant with her last comment but she held her tongue as she sat back down. She hadn't missed any school recently and she hadn't been feeling sick. Her mind drifted as she thought about it. Maybe the teacher had gotten her confused with someone else. Maybe she was just having a bad day and took it out on Lisa. Maybe she was just distracted.

Her thinking was interrupted by the final bell. She quickly packed up and stood to leave before stopping, her eyes lingering on the desk in front of her. Yukina's desk. 

An empty desk. 

Lisa let out a small sigh. She had texted Yukina this morning to make sure she had gotten home from the restaurant okay last night, since Lisa was having a hard time remembering. She couldn't remember anything between the time they all left the restaurant to the time she woke up that morning. Yukina never answered the text though. Lisa tried not to worry about it and just chalked it up to Yukina being sick. It was pretty cold last night and she was probably just sleeping off a cold. Still, seeing the empty space where Yukina should felt strange. There was a tightening in Lisa's chest as she tried to push it from her mind.

Lisa tore her gaze from the desk and shook her head. It was probably nothing, Yukina would be back in action soon. As she turned to leave, she noticed multiple girls watching her nervously. She just gave them a small wave, not sure the reasoning behind their stares, before making her way out of the classroom alone. As she reached the stairs, she heared a familiar set of voices drifing upward from below her.

"Yeah, Ako asked me if I could keep an eye out for her. She seemed worried about her but she's trying to deal with things herself at the same time. She's still not coming to school."

"Sayo-san also seemed worried when she came by the shop yesterday. There were a couple times I caught her trying to hold back tears."

Lisa furrowed her brow. Yesterday? As far as Lisa knew, Sayo had gone straight from school to rehearsal yesterday. She wouldn't have had time to go to the cafe. And crying? What happened? Lisa pulled herself off to the side, pressing herself against the wall and out of sight from the stairs as the owners of the voices neared her level. 

"It's crazy just how much the accident affected people," Himari chimed in as the girls of Afterglow reached the landing and turned to continue up the stairs.

"A lot of people looked up to Minato-san," Ran added.

"Nobody more than Lisa-san though," Moca responded. The mention of her name made Lisa tense up. The girls fell silent until Lisa heard the sound of the roof door opening and closing.

"What was that about?" Lisa mumbled as she pulled out her phone.

"Shoot, I'm gonna be late for rehearsal," She said, noticing the time. She turned and hurriedly made her way out of the school. 

Lisa arrived at CiRCLE a few minutes after they were supposed to start rehearsal. She pushed through the door in a rush, panting. Marina jumped and looked up as the girl barged in.

"Oh, Lisa-chan. Welcome!" Marina greeted her.

"Hello, Marina-san," Lisa responded between deep breaths. "Are the others in the studio?"

The manager tilted her head.

"You mean the rest of Roselia? Were you supposed to have rehearsal today?"

"Yeah," Lisa responded with her own confused look. "Are they not here?"

"Ako came by the cafe earlier, but other than that no." She looked down and flipped a couple pages in her reservation book. "I don't have a reservation for you girls today."

"Oh. Will you excuse me for a second?" Lisa turned and pulled out her phone, opening the group chat for the band. Coincidentally it seem she had been missing a conversation.

'Ako: What are we going to do about the band?'

'Rinko: It does not feel right continuing without Yukina-san.'

'Sayo: I've given it some thought. I don't know though.'

'Lisa: What are you talking about? BTW, do we not have rehearsal today?'

There was a long pause in the messages. Eventually Rinko began typing again.

'Rinko: Imai-san...'

'Ako: Lisa-nee, are you okay?'

'Lisa: Yeah, I'm fine. Why?.'

'Ako: Well a lot's happened...'

'Lisa: What do you mean? Has something happened?'

There was another long pause. Lisa began to feel uneasy.

'Sayo: Regardless, we do need to speak to discuss the future of Roselia. Soon. We will meet at the studio Sunday during normal rehearsal time. Don't be late.'

'Sayo: And stay safe. Please.'

Lisa wanted to argue. Why had no one answered her? What was going on? Why was this a topic? Why were they discussing this on their own without Yukina? For that matter, why wasn't Yukina messaging? She wanted to ask all these questions and more but once again she felt her chest tighten. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was off about all this, but she couldn't figure out what. 

"Is everything alright?" Marina asked, seeing the worried look on Lisa's face. 

"Oh, no," Lisa responded, forcing a smile. She pulled out her phone to set a reminder to meet up Sunday and noticed it was already Thursday. She could've sworn it was just Tuesday though. She shook her head, trying to clear it. Maybe she had just gotten mixed up. "Nothing's wrong. I'll see you later Marina-san."

Before Marina could respond, Lisa was out the door.

Lisa continued on the next few days trying to live her normal life, though the days themselves mostly passed in a blur. She soon found it impossible though. It felt like people at school were avoiding her. She'd see her friends watching her but once she called out to them they'd turn and leave like they hadn't heard her. At one point she spotted Ako walking with Rokka and tried to talk to her. As soon as she heard Lisa's voice though, the first year froze for a moment before running off shaking. Rokka just gave Lisa a bow and followed. Without rehearsals she hasn't seen either Sayo or Rinko. Even at work Moca was uncharacteristically sullen. Most troubling at all for Lisa was the continued absence of Yukina. She hadn't seen nor heard from her childhood friend since they went to the restaurant. It was more than a bit unnerving.

Finally Sunday came around. As the day continued and the scheduled time for the band meeting approached Lisa got more and more nervous. She spent most of the day at the shopping mall near CiRCLE. She spent hours drifing between various stores, absently looking through racks of clothes and browsing through make-up. Everything around her felt so normal yet it wasn't enough to distract herself from the anxiety building inside of her.

After what felt like an eternity, the time arrived. She made her way over to CiRCLE and stood outside, bracing herself. Putting on her bravest smile, she suppressed all the turmoil inside of her as she stepped into the live house.

"Welcome, Lisa-chan," Marina greeted her. She wore a smile though it seemed almost as forced as Lisa's felt. "The others are already here, they're in your normal studio."

Lisa gave Marina a quick thank you before making her way back to the practice studios. She stopped in front of their door, her hand on the handle. She had entered this room without issue so many times before. So many times before she wore a real smile and burst into this room without a care in the world. But this time felt wrong.

The sight that greeted her as she stepped into the room seemed normal at first. Sayo sat perched on a stool, her guitar case strapped to her back. Rinko sat on her knees on the floor, Ako laying with her head in her friend's lap. It didn't take much more than a second glance to know how wrong it all was. Sayo had huge bags under her eyes and was fidgeting with her fingers, which were wrapped in bandages. Rinko's eyes looked dead as she stared at the wall opposite her. Ako was perhaps the most shocking; other than having a death grip on Rinko's skirt, Ako wasn't wearing any of her usual gothic clothing. Instead she was dressed in plain black sweats. Lisa now understood why Marina had looked uncomfortable. Aside from Lisa herself, the band mates did not look okay. To say nothing of the elephant in the room: Yukina was still missing.

"Imai-san," Sayo said as she noticed Lisa enter. The break in the silence made Rinko jump a bit as Ako sat up. "Let's get started then."

"Hold on," Lisa interrupted. "First of all, why are we here? What's this 'future of Roselia' stuff?"

"We need to decide what's going to happen to the band now that Minato-san is gone."

"Yukina's not gone!" Ako flinched at Lisa's raised voice and clung tighter to Rinko, who gently laid a hand on the smaller girl's head. Lisa gave a small apology before continuing. "Yukina's just... She's just a bit sick, she'll be better soon."

"Do you know that? For sure?" Sayo pressed, becoming visibly agitated. "Have you spoken to her at all since the accident?"

"Hikawa-san..." Rinko called cautiously.

"No, Shirokane-san," Sayo snapped back, causing Rinko to shrink. "It's been over a week now. It's time for Imai-san to face reality."

"What are you taking about, Sayo? What accident?" Lisa interrupted.

"Minato-san isn't coming back. She's gone, Imai-san."

"Why so you keep saying that?!" Lisa raised her voice again, stepping closer to Sayo.

"Lisa-nee," Ako called weakly. "Please just listen."

"Listen to what?" Lisa yelled. "Have you all gone crazy? Yukina's gone for a few days and suddenly you've all given up on her?"

"Imai-san it's been over a week no-" Sayo tried to get through to the increasingly angering brunette.

"So what? Have you talked to Yukina? Do you know that she's not coming back to the band? Who are you to decide things?"

"Yukina is dead, Lisa!" Sayo screamed. The tightening in Lisa's chest returned with a vengeance. It became hard to breath.

"She's no-"

"She was hit by a truck after we left the restaurant last week!"

"You're wro-"

"She died immediately. You were there Lisa! You saw it happen!"

"Stop it. Just stop it!" Lisa cried, reaching up to hide her face. 

All of a sudden it flooded back to Lisa. It was like a dam in her memories had suddenly exploded. She fell to her knees.

"Lisa-nee!" Ako called out. Lisa could barely hear it. Her mind rushed with memories of that night; the accident, the paramedics rushing up and prying Yukina's body from Lisa's screaming form, the ambulance ride to the hospital, Yukina's father breaking down, the time Lisa spent talking to the police. The memories of the next three days also returned; memories of Lisa locking herself in her room, sitting alone in the dark, barely eating, her hair a mess, her room in turmoil.

"I'm sorry, Imai-san," Sayo continued in a softer tone. "We're... We're all hurting right now but we have to decide on this."

"It wouldn't be right without Yukina-san," Ako chimed in. 

"I agree..." Rinko followed. "Even if we... found someone else it would feel... wrong."

"I don't like it but I'm of the same mind. We wouldn't be Roselia. It's probably best if we break up the band now."

"No," Lisa muttered.

"What?" Sayo asked.

"I'm not letting Roselia go," Lisa began to stand, shaking.

"Imai-san we can't... be Roselia without Yukina-san," Rinko said sadly.

"If you can't, then you can quit!" Lisa shouted. She glared at both Ako and Sayo in turn. "And that goes for the two of you as well! You can all leave and make your own band! But I will not abandon Roselia!"

Without another word, Lisa turned and ran out the door, tears running down her face. She wasn't sad though. She was furious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said this was gonna be about twice the length of the prologue but it ended up being more than 3 times as long lol. Got this one up pretty quickly since I already had a solid chunk done but I'm not sure when the next chapter'll be up but look forward to Stage 2: Anger❤️


	3. Stage 2: Anger

"I said I'd keep Roselia going, but how?" Lisa found herself at a fast food restaurant, deep in thought as her untouched food grew cold in front of her. It had been a week since her outburst at CiRCLE and she wasn't feeling any better. If anything she felt more irate. The others texted her occasionally asking her to talk to them, to try thinking calmly, that they knew how she felt. She ignored all of it. She couldn't stand talking to them. None of them knew how she felt. They didn't even really know what happened. And yet they had abandoned Yukina and so abandoned Lisa as well. She would be fine without seeing any of their faces again. 

"Imai...san?" A small voice spoke from next to Lisa, making her jump. She turned to see Kanon standing next to her, a confused look on the blue-haired girl's face. She must have just finished her shift since she was back in her casual clothes after being behind the counter earlier.

"Oh, Kanon," Lisa mumbled. "Did you need something?"

"No, you just seemed upset. I was wondering if you wanted someone to talk to," Kanon noted, glacing at the food in front of Lisa. She looked back up and took a step back defensively. "Ah, but if you don't that's okay! I don't want to force you to talk to me."

"It's fine," Lisa reassured the girl. "Sit if you want but I don't really have anything to talk about."

Kanon hesitated, looking between Lisa and the empty seat. It wasn't an explicit invitation but Lisa had told her to sit and not to go away. After a couple moments of silent confliction, Kanon sat.

"So..." Kanon said to try to fill the air between them. She hasn't talked to Lisa a lot and given recent events, she wasn't sure how to approach a conversation. "Is your food not good?"

Lisa furrowed her brow and looked down at her tray. She had completely forgotten about the food until just now.

"It's fine," Lisa responded bluntly, popping a fry into her mouth.

"That's good." The conversation died there. After a few moments she spoke again.

"The news said it might end up snowing this week," Kanon said, trying to keep the awkward silence at bay. "That'd be neat."

"I guess." The conversation ended again.

The two sat in silence, Lisa staring out the window while Kanon tried to think of something to talk about. Typically when she did something like this with Chisato she'd just sit and listen; whenever Chisato came to her to talk she usually had plenty to say and so Kanon could just go off her. As Lisa stayed silent though, Kanon grew more and more uncomfortable.

"How is the rest of Roselia doing?" Kanon asked, cautiously. She wasn't sure if it was a good topic to bring up but it was the best she could think of.

"Oh they're just fine," Lisa responded with a scowl. That wasn't a good sign.

"Well that's good to hear-" Kanon quickly tried to backtrack. It was too late though.

"Yeah, they're all great," Lisa continued, an edge in her voice. "They're all off doing their own things, living their lives. Not a care for Roselia or what happens to the band."

"I'm sure that's not true," Before she had realized it, Kanon had stepped on a landmine. She began to fidget as Lisa grew more agitated.

"All of a sudden Yukina's gone and they don't care about the band. It's all 'it wouldn't be right'. Roselia was everything Yukina worked for and they just want to throw it away without a care?" 

It wasn't fair. It wasn't even true. Lisa knew that and yet she didn't care. 

"And they have the gall to try and tell me they know how I feel! Everyone's been trying to tell me it'll be okay or things will get better. What do they know?"

"Th-they probably mean well..." Kanon stammered. She couldn't help but tremble. She had just wanted to help, to try to make Lisa feel better. Now though she just wanted to get out of this situation.

"'They probably mean well'? They mean well by wasting all the time we spent, all the work we did and brushing it aside like it's nothing? That's meaning well? If that's meaning well I don't need it and I definitely don't want it!" Lisa had had enough. She stood up abruptly and stormed out of the restaurant, leaving a shocked and scared Kanon who slowly and sadly took Lisa's tray to the trash.

The incident wasn't isolated. Lisa had gotten into similar arguments with a few girls who tried to talk to her. To call them arguments though would be misleading as they mostly consisted of Lisa blowing up on the girl trying to reassure her. The worst part was Lisa realized how unfair she was being but couldn't help herself, which just angered her again, restarting the cycle.

On top of it, more people were acting like Kanon; they were unsure of how to talk to her and so tried to make meaningless small talk and skirt anything serious. Lisa would rather they just leave her alone altogether if they were just going to treat her like some fragile unstable person. It certainly didn't help her feel like any less of one.

The next morning she still hasn't cooled off. She tried doing her hair but quickly grew impatient and gave up, instead putting it in a messy bun. She also skipped her usual make up when she couldn't get it quite right. She grumbled as she put on her uniform and left for school. Her natural appearance drew stares as soon as she neared her school. She was know for being something of a fashion guru and was known throughout the school for being one of the most particular girls in school when it came to her looks. So to see her show up looking so simple came as a bit of a shock for the girls she passed during the day. At one point, one of them stopped her.

"Why Lisa, my little kitten," Kaoru called out, catching up as the girl had continued on. Lisa let out a sigh and turned to face the tall girl.

"What do you want, Kaoru?" Lisa asked as she glared at Kaoru, not in the mood to deal with the drama queen.

"I was simply wondering if something had happened. You're not your usual stunning self."

"Yeah well, I wasn't really feeling it this morning," Lisa responded as she turned to leave.

"Ah beauty, such a fleeting experience. If there is something in particular bothering you, I will gladly listen to your woes," She said laying a hand on Lisa's shoulder. Lisa whirled around, slapping the hand away.

"Don't touch me," She said, the anger in her voice reflected in her eyes. "Why would I go to you for help? What good are you when you can't take a thing seriously?"

Kaoru recoiled from Lisa's sudden words. For a moment she didn't even know what to say.

"I assure you, Lisa," Kaoru tried to recover as people around them began to stare. "I consider the feelings of all my little kittens most important and take them very seriously."

"And there you go with that 'little kittens' schtick! Do you have any idea how pretentious you sound? It's so annoying and honestly a little gross." Lisa raised her voice and wheeled on the girls staring at them. "And I cannot figure out why you all go along with this drama queen!"

"So there," She said, turning back to Kaoru. "There's my feelings."

Lisa turned and continued her way down the hall as girls stared; some stared at her, some at Kaoru. Whatever was going on in Kaoru's mind was a mystery as her face held up a facade of calm before she began reassuring the girls around her.

As she turned the next corner, Lisa ran into Rokka, causing the other to cry out and jump, dropping some paper she was holding.

"Ah, sorry," Lisa muttered as she bend down to pick of the paper, which upon closer inspection turned out to be an envelope. She handed it back. "Here you go."

"L-Lisa-senpai!" Rokka yelled as Lisa moved past her. Holding her tongue, Lisa turned back, only to be met with the envelope she had just handed back.

"What's this?" Lisa asked, skeptical.

"It's a ticket for our next show," Rokka responded, her head bowed as she held out the envelope. "CHU2 wanted you to come."

"What about the rest of Ro-" She stopped herself. "The others?"

"She just said to give you a ticket. She didn't say why."

"When is it?" Lisa asked as she took the envelope.

"This Friday at 7."

"It should be pretty packed. Are you sure it's okay to give me a free ticket?"

"That's what CHU2 said to do..."

She didn't like that Chiyu seemed to be singling her out, especially with the girl's past feelings towards Yukina and the band. The memories of her childish behavior started making Lisa angry again. She almost threw the envelope back in Rokka's face. This time though she held back, instead just sighing.

"I'll see if I have the time," Lisa answered. She turned and hurried down the hall before Rokka could respond. 

She quickly retreated to a restroom and opened up the envelope. Sure enough, the only thing inside was a ticket. 

"Raise a Suilen, Friday 7pm, dub music experiment," Lisa read off the small slip. As she thought about it more, she was sure Chiyu had invited her to rub it in that she had "beaten" Roselia. As her anger rose again she became sure that Chiyu had invited her to gloat about Roselia's breakup and that Raise a Suilen was on top. The imagine appeared in her mind of the heartless gremlin dancing over Yukina's memory. Her fury boiled over and she lashed out, throwing a punch with a shout and shattering the mirror in front of her. She then winced as she pulled back her hand which had started to bleed and sting from the slivers of glass lodged in her skin. She spent the next 10 minutes picking out the shards with tweezers before going to the nurse's office to get it bandaged.

The next few days passed relatively peacefully. After the very public incident with Kaoru, word got around and many of the girls at school dared not look Lisa in the eye for fear of her screaming at them. Not to mention the rumors of how she had cut up her hand, most of which involved her beating up an unfortunate first year who crossed her. In no time her image as the popular, cheerful gyaru had been shattered and replaced with that of a bomb that nobody wanted to even risk setting off. Of course this was fine with her since it meant there weren't people contantly trying to make her feel better and thus making her even more frustrated.

Finally the time for the concert came. As she reached the venue, she started having second thoughts. She had come in simple clothes, a baggy hoody she had buried deep in her closet and a pair of jeans. She had also skipped her usual makeup, something that had become something of a habit of hers. Eventually she did decide to step inside the live house and, after giving her ticket to the girl at the counter, made her way to the stage area and let herself get lost in the crowd. 

After a few minutes the lights dimmed and the crowd roared. RIOT began as the band's intro video played, Chiyu's voice introducing each member as they stepped on stage before ending with "we are Raise a Suilen". There was another roar from the crowd as the stage went black. Shortly after they launched into their first song. Despite all the swirling anger that'd been surging through her for the past few days, Lisa couldn't help but enjoy the show. The flashing lights, the intense music, the energy from the crowd. It had been a long time since she had performed and even longer since she had been to a show as part of the audience. She found herself getting more and more into it as the show went on.

After a few songs Rei, Layer during the performance, stepped up to the microphone.

"Thank you all for coming tonight," She said, prompting another cheer from the crowd. "The next song will be our last one but before we begin we wanted to say a few words." She turned to look at Chiyu, who gave her a nod. She nodded back and continued.

"As I'm sure you all know, some time ago the girl band world lost one of our own, and with her an incredible band. This girl's talents spoke for themselves, but the true testament of her character was in the girls of Roselia that respected and accompanied her. Many of you, I imagine, were fans of them as well." Layer's gaze scanned the crowd, probably seeking out Lisa. It swept right over her though, dressed as plainly as she was. "And while I know you're all hurting as we up here are, we can all only imgine what those 4 girls who called Yukina Minato a friend are going through. This last song goes out to those girls. Unstoppable."

The somber moment vanished as Layer broke into the song. Lisa had heard the song before but as the lyrics rang out they hit her a bit harder than usual.

After the show, Lisa filed out with the crowd. She was about to leave the live house until she caught sight of Rokka in the waiting room, standing on her toes and swaying as she tried to look through the crowd. Letting out a small sigh, Lisa pushed her way towards her. She'd feel bad if she left without thanking the girl.

"Lisa-senpai!" Rokka called as she caught sight of the girl pulling herself from the crowd. "I'm glad you made it."

"Yeah well," Lisa trailed off, not really sure what to say. There was an awkward pause before she spoke again.

"Anyway, thanks for inviting me. You all did a good job. Also..." Lisa rubbed the back of her neck and looked down. "Tell Layer thanks."

"Why don't you come tell her yourself?" Rokka asked, turning and pushing open a door behind her. Lisa hesitated, looking through the doorway for a moment before nodding and following the guitarist down the hall to the dressing room.

The two stepped into the dressing room to find Rei and Masuki talking quietly at the table in the center of the room. Their chat stopped immediately as the door opened and the Lisa and Rokka appeared. Masuki leaned back in her chair and Rei stood.

"Imai-san," Rei addressed her with a small smile. "Thank you for coming out to see us, we really appreciate it."

"Well, I wasn't doing anything so I figured I would," Lisa responded.

Rei nodded knowingly.

"Well thank you anyway."

"So where's Chiyu?" Lisa asked, scanning the room. Reona was missing as well.

"Oh, she's-" Rei was cut off but the door being thrown open and Chiyu striding in almost on cue, Reona on her heels.

"So you made it," Chiyu observed as she looked Lisa over. Something in her voice cause Lisa's anger to once again build. All her previous thoughts of the girl started creeping back.

"Thanks for the ticket," Lisa replied, though it came out strained.

"Of course," Chiyu replied, holding out a hand, into which Reona quickly placed a stick of jerky. She wore a smug grin as she bit into the jerky. "Afterall, I wouldn't have wanted you to miss our special show."

"CHU2..." Rei cautioned.

"What do you mean, special?" Lisa asked, suspicious.

"Well, it's our first show since the accident."

"CHU2!" Rei said again, more forcefully this time.

"What? While it's very sad and I had great respect for Minato-san, the reality is the world keeps moving. And without Roselia, well..." She trailed off, though she didn't need to say the rest for Lisa to understand: Raise a Suilen's on top.

"Is that all you care about?" Lisa growled, her fists clentched but still at her side. "Fine then, how about this: Roselia's not done. I am Roselia. And I-"

"You?" Chiyu snorted, cutting Lisa off. "You're talented, I'll give you that. But Roselia wasn't formed by talent, it was formed by Minato-san. And Minato-san was the one who turned you all into a band. Do you really think you can pull that off? Do you think you have even half the leadership she had?"

"CHU2, that's enough." Rei spoke up again. "You should be more respectful."

"You're right," Chiyu responded. "I wish you luck in the future, Lisa Imai. Hopefully you'll be able to do something with your life."

"CHU- LISA!" Rei's chastising was cut off as Lisa screamed, grabbing a pair of tailor's scissors off the table and lunging at the dj. Reona managed to grab Chiyu and pulled her back as Rei jumped to grab Lisa and restain her. The sudden move made Masuki jump from her chair and she quickly moved to take the scissors from Lisa

"You don't know anything!" Lisa screamed as she struggled in Rei's arms. "You have no idea what I've been through!"

"Lisa, calm down!" Rei yelled as Masuki made a grab for Lisa's wrist, wresting the scissors from her grip.

"You have no idea what's it's like to lose someone you love!" Lisa continued screaming, ignoring Rei's calls for calm. While her words were spat in anger, tears began to stream down her face. "I was right there! I watched her die! I had her blood on my hands! I was why she got hit!"

The last 6 words hit the room like a bomb. Masuki dropped the scissors in shock. Reona's eyes grew wide and she released Chiyu, whose jaw dropped. Rei's grip on Lisa loosened, though it didn't make much of a difference as Lisa was no longer struggling. Instead she stood, staring at the ground between them all. 

"She should have been paying attention. She should have looked where she was going. I should have looked where she was going. It's my..." 

In the next moment, all the anger rushed out of Lisa, draining her as it went. What filled it's place was an enormous sadness. She began trembling.

"It's my... It's my..." She couldn't finish the sentence before she began sobbing. Her screams, which just a minute before had beel filled with fury, were now screams of despair. Despair and guilt. Rei grabbed her again as she grab to fall and held the girl as she cried. 

"Um," Rei looked at the other members for help but they were just as stunned as she was. All she could think to do was pat the girl's back as Lisa bawled into her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't super sure about making CHU2 the villain here because at the end of the day she's better than that. But she also says some dumb, insensitive things sometimes. At the end of the day I had a hard time figuring out where to go with this chapter so this is what I went with. Next up Stage 3: Depression


	4. Stage 3: Depression

Lisa slowly opened her eyes and stared at her ceiling. Immediately she was hit by a throbbing pain in her head. The morning light peeking in from the edges of her curtain dimly lit her bedroom. She laid under the sheets still in her hoodie and jeans, reminding her of the previous night.

After her attempted attack on Chiyu, Lisa had spent nearly half an hour crying. Chiyu and Reona had gone home almost immediately, made uncomfortable by the whole situation. Rokka had left a few minutes in after Rei assured her she would stay until Lisa was done. By the time Lisa had finally stopped crying she, Rei, and Masuki were three of the few left in the whole venue. Rei, who had held onto Lisa the entire time, offered to walk the girl home but Masuki denied her. She insisted that Rei had done enough and that she would give Lisa a ride home on her motorcycle. Rei relented and soon Lisa was on the back of the bike clinging to Masuki. In no time they had reached Lisa's house. Before Lisa made it inside though, Masuki called out to her.

"You can get through this," Masuki said simply before speeding away, leaving Lisa to retreat into her house and crawl into bed.

Eventually she sat up, wincing. She instinctively reached for her phone, only to find it dead. Letting out a groan, she plugged it in before trudging her way to the kitchen. It was no mystery why her head was killing her and she downed a glass of water to try to fight it before pouring herself another and taking it back up to her room.

With it being the weekend she didn't have anything she needed to do, nor any plans. In fact she didn't know what to do. She sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the wall as she tried to think of something, anything. But nothing she thought of had any appeal. Instead she sat and stared at her wall, feeling drained. The events of the night before ran through her head over and over, from the moment she had arrived at dub to the time she got off Masuki's bike in front of her house. It didn't even seem totally real, more like a dream or an old memory. But it did happen, and she knew it. And still despite that, she couldn't process it beyond "I am not okay".

Eventually she remembered her phone, which had been sitting on her nightstand, charging but turned off. She reached over and turned it on, watching the screen boot up. As soon as it was on, it pinged with a text message from Ako. Opening it, Lisa saw she had actually missed multiple texts, the coversation dominated by messages on one side of the screen. 

'Lisa-nee, are you alright?'

'Rokka told me what happened at dub'

'We've been worried about you'

There was a notification of a missed call.

'Lisa-neeee, I'm coming over later okay?'

'Rin-Rin said she wants to come too'

Lisa read over the messages again. She felt a pang of annoyance but it passed. What came next though was guilt. She had been a terrible friend, all but ignoring the other girls the past couple weeks. Not to mention how much she had trash talked them, even if they didn't know it. It just confirmed what she had come to think of herself: she really was a horrible person. They band relied on her and she knew it. And yet when they needed her to bring them together most, she pushed them away and ignored them. Not to mention the guilt that swept her about Yukina's death itself. Once again the thought that it was her fault struck her and caused her to start to tremble. She pulled her knees to to chest and lowered her head onto them, her hands coming up and clutching at her head. Tears began to flow as she started spiraling. It was her fault. All of this was her fault. If she had payed attention, if she had stopped Yukina, if she had done something things wouldn't have ended up this way. It was her fault that the rest of Roselia suffered. It was her fault all their fans suffered. It was her fault the other band girls suffered. All of it was her fault. She was a horrible person. She didn't deserve to be happy anymore. She didn't deserve friends anymore. She didn't deserve to be at peace. All the suffering she had brought upon herself was her just desserts. 

She was snapped out of her state by the sound of the doorbell. Her head jerked up and she quickly wiped her tears with her sleeve. She checked her phone only to realize she had been like that for an hour. She stood quickly and almost collapsed as her legs protested and her head rushed. She had just recovered as she heard a knock at her door, followed by her mother's voice.

"Lisa, a couple of your friends are here."

"They can come in," Lisa called back. She sat back down on her bed and tried to put on a smile as the door opened. 

"Lisa-nee," Ako called, poking her head into the doorway. The sight caught Lisa off guard: gone was the purple hair and the pigtails. Instead Ako's naturally wavy hair was loose and the color was a red matching her sister.

"Oh, yeah," Lisa shook herself out of her brief state of shock. She got up to pull some cushions from her closet and set them around the short table in the center of her room. "Come in, come in."

Ako entered the room, back in her black and red gothic clothes. Despite her hair, seeing the clothes was a bit comforting. If anything, Lisa couldn't help but think they looked better than with the usual purple. Ako's hand was also locked with another as she pulled Rinko in.

"P-pardon the intrusion," Rinko said in a small voice, giving a slight bow as she enters.

"Please come in," Lisa responded as she layed out the cushions at the table and sitting. Ako sat on the side opposite Lisa, releasing Rinko's hand in the process, with Rinko at the side between them. After a few moments of fidgeting though, Ako shifted her cushion, moving next to Rinko.

"So, Ako," Lisa started, breaking the silence that had settled in. "Your hair is... Different."

"Yeah," Ako said quietly before trying to laugh it off. "Well I color normally it and I haven't really been feeling up to it lately." 

"I figured your natural color was something like this. You match Tomoe." Lisa also couldn't help but notice Ako's normally red eyes were now blue, another trait in common with her sister. "It looks good."

"How are you f-feeling, Imai-san?" Rinko spoke up cautiously. The question elicited a deep sigh from Lisa.

"You two know what happened last night," Lisa started, looking at Ako. The redhead nodded in confirmation. "It's hard to feel alright after that. My head still hurts a bit, but I'll live."

Ako and Rinko shared a look of concern. Lisa avoided giving any details of how she felt. She knew these two and if she told them what she was really feeling she knew they'd worry even more and try to make her feel better. She didn't want to be a bother, not any more than she had been. Instead she fell silent.

"It is good that... Nobody got hurt," Rinko said, deciding not to keep up the questioning.

"Anyway, what about you two?" Lisa changed the subject. "What have you been up to?"

"We mostly play Neo Fantasy Online in our free time," Ako responded, her gaze lowered to the table. "There hasn't been much else to do outside of school, even if we felt up to it. I go to CiRCLE to practice sometimes but..."

"It has... Been hard adjusting..." Rinko picked up. "It has been a long time since... I have practiced without anything to... Work towards."

Ako nodded solemnly and the trio fell into an oppressive silence, all of them staring down at the table in front of them. Even as they worked to cope with Yukina's death, there was still the ever looming question of Roselia. Just like Yukina, Roselia was a huge presence in all their lives. Without it, it felt like there was a hole in each of them. Lisa realized she hadn't even touched her bass since the accident.

"We should get going," Ako finally broke the silence after a few minutes. "We wanted to check on you but we shouldn't overstay our welcome."

"I'll walk you out then," Lisa said, forcing a warm smile. At least she hoped it was warm, though Rinko's intense stare made her wonder.

The three got up and made their way downstairs. At the door, Ako gave Lisa a hug.

"It was good to see you again," She said as she released Lisa. Lisa patted the top of Ako's head, still forcing a smile. 

"Thank you for... having us," Rinko said, giving another small bow. "And... take care, Imai-san." 

"You take care too," Lisa responded. "Feel free to come by any time."

"If... You need to talk to someone... You can message me..." And with that, the pair turned and left, Ako's hand once again clinging tightly to Rinko's.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Lisa's facade dropped. Her smile disappeared, her shoulders slouched, and she let out a deep sigh. Despite it being relatively brief, the visit left her drained. At least they hadn't pushed her too much about the previous night. She trudged slowly back to her room to collapse onto her bed.

She spent the rest of the weekend shut away in her room, only coming out for small meals and to use the restroom. The rest of the time she spent in bed, either sleeping or mindlessly scrolling through social media. She didn't have the energy to do anything else even if she wanted to. 

Late Sunday night the monotony was interrupted. Lisa was staring blankly at her phone when it suddenly started ringing, causing her to drop it in surprise. After a moment she recovered and checked the screen.

"Sayo?" She muttered. It wasn't like the guitarist to call her normally, let alone given recent events. She swiped to accept the call.

"Hello-" Lisa immediately yanked the phone from her ear as yelling came through from the other end.

"-can talk to her myself Hina, get out!" Sayo yelled on her side. "Ah, Imai-san. Good evening."

"Good evening," Lisa responded. "You're calling late, did you need something."

There was a long pause on the other end. For a brief moment Lisa wondered if Sayo actually could talk to her herself.

"I wanted to apologise," Sayo said finally. "For when I yelled at you in the studio."

"That was a while ago, Sayo," Lisa said with a hollow laugh. Admittedly she had played the event over in her mind many times since. But the last thing she wanted was for it to affect Sayo. It was the result of her actions after all. "It doesn't matter now, don't worry about it."

"I disagree. We have all been struggling with... Coping and I was feeling very frustrated. I took those frustrations out on you, which was unwarranted. Whether or not it was something that needed to be said, the manner in which I said them was excessive."

As Lisa listened to the apology she refuted every point in her head. Lisa hadn't been struggling to cope. While they were dealing with it, she was busy denying it even happened. Sayo taking her frustrations out on her was not only warranted but the logical choice; it was Lisa's fault. Nor was Sayo's expression of her frustrations excessive. If anything, she could have been even crueler to Lisa and she'd be justified. 

"Like I said, don't worry about it," Lisa responded dismissively. "You said it yourself, you were frustrated. You lashed out, I've done it a few times recently. It's no big deal, don't worry about it."

"Imai-san, how are you doing? Are you doing okay?"

Lisa hesitated, the question having caught her off guard. Rinko had asked the same thing and Lisa tried to brush it off without giving a real answer. That hadn't seemed to make them worry any less. If she wanted to keep people from worry about her, and thus trying to pry, she'd have to reassure them.

"Yeah, I'm fine," was Lisa's response. A bold faced lie. "I'm doing better."

"Good."

There was another long pause. Lisa started getting uncomfortable, wondering what Sayo could still have to say. After a few more seconds, Lisa broke the silence.

"Well it's getting late. I should probably be getting to bed. School in the morning."

"Imai-san," Sayo cut in.

"Yes?"

"Just because we are not Roselia anymore..." Sayo hesitated. "We can still... I still consider you three my friends."

Before Lisa could respond, Sayo hung up. The entire event left Lisa a bit shocked. It seemed completely out of character for Sayo, from reaching out to Lisa, to apologizing, to saying she thought of them as friends. Maybe recent events had changed her, or maybe it was just a fleeting moment, Lisa couldn't know. Either way it felt like everyone was gradually recovering while she felt like she had gone backwards. She was feeling like she did when it first happened. Was this karma? Karma for Yukina's death, for those Lisa hurt after? Maybe she just wasn't meant to get better. Maybe she was cursed with the specter of Yukina as punishment. She pulled her knees to her chest as she sat in bed, trembling as tears began to roll down her cheeks. She sat that way for what felt like hours, shaking and crying as thoughts of guilt raced through her head, before finally falling asleep.

The next day she woke up still tired. Unfortunately for her she couldn't just go back to sleep. Throwing on her uniform she groggily made her way to school. There she was shunned, nobody so much as glancing in her direction; the past few weeks had been a disaster for her reputation and social life. She payed attention in class, or at least acted like it, and spent her breaks staring out the window. Nobody came to speak to her. Nobody payed her any mind as they went about their business. Despite being surrounded by people, she was alone. And she had no one to blame but herself.

Eventually the school day finished and she left, going straight home and changing into sweats before closing herself in her room. At some point in the evening her parents called out to her for dinner. She didn't move from her bed. After a few minutes her mom knocked on her door and left Lisa's portion outside her door. Lisa took it and picked at it for a while, only eating enough to stave off the feeling of her stomach eating itself before leaving the rest and getting back into bed. As the night wore on, she was once again tortured by thoughts of guilt. How she was responsible for Yukina's death, how her suffering was brought on by herself, how she was a terrible person for causing so many people so much pain. She trembled. She cried. And eventually, she fell asleep.

The pattern continued as the week wore on. Each morning the circles under her eyes grew. Each day she was ignored by her peers. Each evening she barely ate enough to not starve. Each night she mentally tortured herself to tears. She felt more weary and heavy with each passing day, not that she had the inclination to do anything about it.

During this time, the month anniversary of Yukina's death came and went. Lisa didn't even notice. Christmas came a few days later. Lisa didn't celebrate. New years a few days after that. Lisa stayed in her room. She'd gotten multiple texts from Ako, Rinko, and Sayo for each of these days. She gave them all polite but ultimately dismissive replies.

This carried on for another month, during which Lisa trudged along looking dead to the world. And in a sense she was. Finally people started to take notice, though every time someone would ask if she's okay she'd brush it off saying she's fine. Given the reputation she had developed, they never pushed her for fear of setting her off again. Afterall, a silent Lisa was better than a Lisa screaming at you. She had stopped crying at night as well. Though she still sat awake with her thoughts late into the night, she had become almost numb to them.

After school one day, a day that had gone by just like any other, Lisa had made a decision. She would not go straight home. She would not go home at all for that matter. After sitting at her desk and staring out the window for a while after school let out she stood up and started walking. She made her way to the stairwell but instead of going down, she went up. She continued until she was on the roof.

"Lisa-san?" Ran said from where she sat against the railing running along the edge as Lisa appeared on the roof. "What are you doing up here?"

Lisa did not answer. Instead she slowly walked straight from the door to the waist high rail on the edge of the roof. Once there she began trying to lift herself up onto it.

"Lisa-san, what are you doing?" Ran yelled as she jumped up, running to grab Lisa. Lisa had managed to get a leg up onto the rail before Ran reached her and pulled her back, both of them tumbling onto the roof. Lisa struggled to break free to no avail, the weakened girl helpless against against Ran's grasp. This didn't stop her from struggling though and Ran moved to pin Lisa beneath her in an attempt to get control of her.

"Lisa-san, get a hold of yourself," Ran commanded, getting angry now. Lisa refused to calm down though and Ran, not able to think of anything better to do, pulled back and gave Lisa a hard slap which caused the girl to wince in pain. However, it seemed to work as Lisa stopped struggling and her eyes finally focused on the girl on top of her.

"Ran?" Lisa mumbled. 

"What do you think you were trying to do?" Ran launched into scolding the girl. "It looked like you were about to jump off the roof! What were you thinking? You've been acting really weird lately. No matter how much you say you're fine it's obvious you're a wreck, I mean look at yourself."

Ran pulled her phone from her pocket and turned on the front camera before turning it to Lisa. Lisa barely recognized herself; her half-lidded eyes were red and were accompanied by large dark circles under them which stood out sharply against her pale skin. After a moment Ran jabbed the girl's stomach with the phone.

"You look terrible," Ran continued. "When's the last time you had a full night's sleep? What about a real meal?"

For a minute Lisa simply stared at Ran as her mind raced. Someone figured it out. Ran was worrying about her. She was being a burden. If Ran had figured it out, how many others have? How many people were worrying about her? How many people was she disappointing? How many people was she bothering? She's the worst, she's a terrible human being, she deserves nothing but suffering and pain, she's-

"Hey!" Ran snapped, cutting through the cloud of thoughts. "Say something."

"I..." Lisa started as tears began to build in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm the w-worst..."

"Wait I-" Ran hesitated as Lisa started crying, not prepared for that reaction. She sighed and got up off Lisa, crawling back agaisnt the roof railing. "Come here..."

Lisa nodded and moved to sit next to Ran, unsuccessfully trying to keep from crying more. 

"I wish Tsugumi was here," Ran muttered. "I'm not good with this kind of stuff. Um... So what's wrong?"

"I shouldn't say," Lisa said through sniffles. "I don't want to bother you."

"Well you already have so just come out with it."

Lisa sighed, resigning herself.

"I feel terrible," She said.

"I'm sure," Ran responded matter-of-factly.

"It's my fault that..." Lisa sniffled again. "Yukina died because of me."

If the confession shocked Ran, the singer didn't show it on her face. The name did make her tense a little. 

"How? I though she got hit by a truck."

"She did. We were walking and... We were messing around, she was singing and wasn't paying attention. I should have kept an eye out, but I was just focused on her."

"I see." Now it was starting to come together for Ran. "That's not really your fault though. It was an accident."

"But I should have been paying attention!" Lisa's crying picked up again.

"Okay," Ran muttered and looked around anxiously for someone to help her out. Unfortunately they were the only two up here. "Look, maybe you could have saved her. But you didn't and it's over now. And jumping off the roof is not the answer you're looking for."

Lisa winced as she was reminded of what she had just tried to do. She didn't know what she was looking for. She didn't even know if she was looking for anything. For what felt like forever now she was just trudging on, barely even living. Her world had been bleak and empty and she was just mindlessly going through it.

"I miss Yukina..." Lisa finally admitted. "I want Yukina back. She was taken away from me, and I want her back."

"I know," Ran replied, staring at her knees. "But she's gone. She's not coming back. I don't know for sure but I don't think torturing yourself is what she would've wanted." 

"No, you're right. I just can't find the energy to... Care about myself. It makes me wonder what the point is anymore. What's the point of any of this when your whole world can be shattered in an instant? Why bother?"

"I... Don't have the answer for that," Ran admitted. "But I think that answer needs to come from you. You need to look and find something to make it worth it. But just because you need to find it doesn't mean you need to find it by yourself."

"But who can I go to? The rest of Roselia has moved on."

"I'm sure they'd still help you if you asked them. You're their friend. And I don't think they expect you to get over this easily. None of us do..."

Lisa looked at the girl sitting next to her in surprise. Ran noticed and looked away quickly, trying to hide her blush.

"W-well, we all knew you two were really close," Ran tried to hastily explain. "All the bands were worried. We wanted to help but we didn't know how to reach out to you, or even if we should."

Lisa let out a small laugh, her first in months, and laid her head on Ran's shoulder.

"Thanks, Ran. I don't feel good, but I do feel... Better."

"Well, I'm sure you'd feel more better with some food and sleep," Ran got up, eager to move on from the intense emotional talk. She turned and held her hand out to Lisa. "Come on then, let's get you some dinner. My treat."

Lisa gave a small smile as she took Ran's hand and stood. Dusting herself off, she began to walk with the singer. She still felt terrible. She still had lingering guilt and she still didn't know what she was looking for. But at least she had the assurance that someone, anyone was with her. And at that moment it was enough for her to keep going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hit a bit close to home for me and I'm a bit worried the quality suffered because of it. If it's not as good as the other chapters, I apologise. This is the low point in Lisa's process though so it'll start to look up for her from here on, though that doesn't mean her struggles are over. There'll be 2 more chapters plus a short epilogue. Next will be Stage 4: Bargaining.


	5. Stage 4: Bargaining

It had been a simple meal. Ran had taken Lisa to a fast food restaurant and treated her to a burger and fries. It was also a quiet meal; Ran didn't talk much to begin with and Lisa was far from her normally friendly self. Still Ran watched her like a hawk, scolding Lisa when she started picking at her fries. Under Ran's watch Lisa ate it all and, while it wasn't the healthiest meal in the world, it filled Lisa's stomach.

Afterwards Ran insisted on seeing Lisa home, an insistence that Lisa understood given the circumstances. On the way they passed by a shrine, causing Lisa to stop.

"What is it?" Ran asked, following Lisa's eyes to the shrine, warmly lit by the street lamps and the setting sun.

"I never did my shrine visit at New Years..." Lisa responded.

"Better late than never," Ran noted. Lisa nodded and they made their way up to the shrine. 

Alone in the quiet shrine, the two purified themselves, washing their hands and faces in the small basin near the entrance. They were silent as they moved on to the large rope for the bell and the offering box.

"Ah, I don't have any-" Lisa started before Ran procured a pair of 50 yen coins, holding one out to Lisa. The two deposited their coins in the offering box, rang the bell, bowed twice, clapped twice, and prayed.

After giving her thanks, Lisa paused. She realized she had no idea what to ask for. Or rather there was so much she wanted to ask for. She wanted Yukina back, she wanted Roselia back, she wanted her normal life back before everything had gone wrong. So, after a moment of thought, that was what she asked for. She would never ask for anything again if she could just have it all back. Or even just Yukina. She'd give up whatever it took to have Yukina back. 

She opened her eyes to find Ran starting at her with a sad look, though the other girl quickly averted her gaze. Ran wasn't an idiot and it didn't exactly take a genius to figure out what Lisa had asked for. Lisa herself knew that it was beyond the gods, but that didn't stop her from asking. She had to do something.

"I don't visit shrines very often outside of New Years," Lisa mused as they walked away.

"Not many people do," Ran replied.

"What about you?"

"I wouldn't say often, but I visit more than most. My dad's very traditional so he encourages it. I don't like coming when there's a lot of people though."

"Don't like crowds?"

"That, yes. But also a quiet shrine is very... Peaceful."

Lisa gave the shrine one last look on their way out. On one hand it seemed somewhat eerie, strange. But Lisa had always gone during busy hours. She could see it as calm and relaxing. She certainly felt better.

"What did you ask for?" Lisa asked in a small voice as they continued walking.

"The usual. Good grades, good health, the band to do well." Ran hesitated. "Also for you four to have strength." 

Lisa didn't respond. Ran also didn't return the question. The two continued on in silence until they reached Lisa's house.

"See you at school," Ran said before turning to leave.

"Thank you," Lisa replied. Ran simply waved a hand over her shoulder as she walked away.

Lisa let out a sigh and returned to her room where she collapsed onto her bed. As soon as she hit the sheets she was overcome by a wave of exhaustion. Maybe it was the filling meal but she was fine with falling asleep right then and there, despite it still being fairly early. She did drag herself off in order to change out of her uniform and plug in her phone. As soon as that was done though she was right back in bed, crawling under the sheets and calling it an early night. For the first time in a long time her mind was quiet as she slowly drifted off.

That night she slept like a rock. Other than a brief interruption in the early hours of the morning, after she'd been asleep for the brief time her body was used to, she actually got a full 8 hours of sleep and then some. Yet even as she came to consciousness feeling snug and comfortable in her bed it felt wrong. It felt as if it was something she didn't deserve. Despite how well the previous night ended, it didn't change the fact that she was still haunted by her guilt. 

She also quickly fell into her weekend routine. While she actually came out to eat her breakfast, she retreated back into her room and into her bed immediately after, pulling out her phone once more. After about an hour though she shifted position and happened to glance at her bass case, still leaning against the wall in the same position it's been in since the argument at CiRCLE, months ago now. Rolling out of bed, she made her way over to the case and cracked it open.

Lisa took a minute to look over the guitar. While the case hadn't moved since the argument, the guitar itself hasn't been touched since that fateful night that started all this. She pulled it out, sat back onto the edge of her bed, and set to tuning it. The action was calming, bringing a sense of normalcy that her mind had been missing. Something that felt right when everything around her felt wrong.

After tuning it, she paused for a moment before she just started playing, starting Heroic Advent. As she finished the intro she sung her backup vocals under her breath. When she reached the point Yukina would enter however, she froze. It was wrong, it was all wrong. Yukina's voice should be there. Even if Lisa's bass wasn't, Yukina's voice should. As she looked down at her hands the thought once again crossed her mind: she would give it all up if it could just bring Yukina back. She would give up the bass, all her musical ability, her spot in the band if only to give Yukina a second chance. Just to see the girl smile again. Without her realizing it, the tears began to fall once more, dripping onto the guitar. Composing herself again, Lisa put away the guitar. It was clear she wasn't ready to pick it up and really play again. Though even if it was just a few measures, she was making progress.

The next day there was a knock on Lisa's door and her mother poked her head in.

"Minato-san brought this over," Her mother said, holding out an envelope.

Lisa furrowed her brow and took the envelope. Something from Yukina's dad? She hadn't heard from him since the accident. Her mother left her alone as she examined the envelope. She recognized the handwriting on the front immediately. On the front of the envelope was her name, clearly written by Yukina's hand. Lisa's eyes grew wide and she quickly tore into the envelope, pulling out the paper inside. She unfolded what turned out to be a letter, all written in Yukina's handwriting. She began reading without a second thought.

'Dear Lisa,' the letter read. 'I'm not sure why I'm writing this. It feels like a strange thing to talk about. Though I suppose that's why I'm writing it instead of telling you. But this is also important. I'm writing this in case something ever happens to me.

The first thing I want to say is about you: be sure to take care of yourself. You spend so much time and effort taking care of the rest of us, but you also need to worry about yourself. Be strong and know that I believe in you.

The second thing is about Roselia: let it end. Perhaps this is selfish of me to ask of you, but Roselia was my dream. And while I appreciate your devotion and help, at the end of the day you were there because of me. All of you were. Don't tie yourself to a dead dream. If you find yourself still wanting to be in a band pursue it, but let it be your own desire seperate from mine. Let Roselia end with me.

Hopefully you never have to read this. Hopefully you never have to face that. But in case you do, trust in me and trust in yourself. Be strong as I know you are, and remember that I will watch over you.

Yours, Minato Yukina'

A tear drop fell onto the paper. It was followed by another, and another until Lisa raised and arm to her face to stop them. 

"I'm sorry," Lisa muttered. "I'm so sorry, Yukina."

As much as Lisa wanted things to be different, as much as she wanted things to be the way they were before, that wasn't an option. Things would never be the same. But Yukina was right: Lisa had to keep on. She had to be strong. 

But Yukina was wrong about something else: she couldn't just let Roselia die. At least, not so unceremoniously. Roselia deserved better than that. Yukina deserved better than that, even if she would never acknowledge it. And so Lisa knew what she had to do. Pulling out her phone, she messaged the other three members of the band.

'Band meeting. My house. ASAP.'

She got a couple texts after but she ignored them. Regardless of any concerns the other had though, within an hour they were all gathered in Lisa's bedroom. Contrary to the last time they were all together, everyone actually looked at least presentable, though Lisa still hadn't fully recovered visually from her slump.

"What's this about, Imai-san?" Sayo asked sternly, her slim fingers no longer bandaged. "We're not a band anymore."

"Yet here you are," Lisa replied smartly, causing Sayo to look away in embarrassment. The other two sat quietly, watching. Ako no longer clung to Rinko but still sat next to the pianist.

"Anyway, I have a request for you all," Lisa continued. "I got a letter a little while ago, written by Yukina."

At this Sayo shrunk into herself slightly, while Rinko tensed and Ako fidgeted at the news. Despite everyone's put together appearances, the wounds hadn't completely healed.

"In it she told me to let Roselia die," Lisa declared. After a moment of thinking, Sayo opened her mouth to speak but Lisa continued, cutting her off. "I'm... Ready to follow her wishes. But I also wanted to do one last thing."

"What do you mean?" Ako asked.

"A farewell concert," Lisa answered. "One last show for the fans."

"What about the vocals?" Sayo asked immediately.

"We'll play without vo-"

"Absolutely not," Sayo rebutted sharply. "Even if we tailor our setlist to the least vocal heavy songs, they still make up a large part of our performance. It would be unacceptable to perform without them."

"Can you sing them then?" Lisa snapped back.

"That's not-" Sayo blushed and looked away. "I can't match Yukina."

"None of us can." At this, the group got quiet. Lisa was absolutely right of course. None of them held a candle to Yukina's vocal skills.

"I..." Rinko spoke up softly. All heads turned to her, which only cause her to figdet and look away from them. "I think... Imai-san should... Do the vocals..."

"Me?" Lisa asked, shocked. "Why me?"

"W-well... I think this is... Just as much about... Paying respect to Yukina-san than Roselia..."

"And you knew her better than any of us," Sayo finished, nodding. "I agree."

"I think Rin-Rin's right..." Ako chimed in.

Lisa looked between the three of them. It seemed that had decided without her and while she waa honored, she realized just how much responsibility this was. Still Yukina wanted her to be strong, and this was her idea to begin with. If this was what the others wanted, she'd take responsibility.

"Alright then," Lisa finally said. "Sayo, talk to Marina-san and see about a date. We'll need to practice some as well." Lisa gulped as the pressure settled in on her shoulders. It didn't feel terrible though. Finally she was doing something. While she could never bring Yukina back, she could do everything in her power to follow the girl's wishes. So that was what she was going to do. Yukina believed in her, it was on her to prove the belief wasn't misplaced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally. I've been dreading writing this chapter since I came up with this idea. I just couldn't think of how to write it with the depth and emotion of the others, there's only so much you can write about it. That's also why this is one of the shorter chapters. But it's done now so I don't have to worry about it anymore and I can wrap up the story. Next will be the final stage: acceptance.


	6. Stage 5: Acceptance

The next day after school their work began. Sayo had called CiRCLE after their meeting the night before and reserved them a rehearsal time. As Lisa arrived she found Sayo at the desk with Marina as the two looked over a schedule.

"So, do we have a date?" Lisa asked as she approached.

"There are certainly options," Marina responded.

"The question is how long we'll need to rehearse," Sayo picked up. "I've... reheased on my own but I can not assume the same for the rest of you given the circumstances."

"Ako comes by occasionally," Marina chimed in.

"And Rinko said she's been practicing as well," Lisa added.

"So what about you?" Sayo asked bluntly, looking up from the schedule. Lisa met Sayo's gaze and shook her head. Sayo nodded and returned her eyes to the schedule in front of them. "That is... Fine. I would not expect you to."

There was a moment of silence between the three of them. Sayo continued scanning the schedule. Lisa stared at the sheet as well, thinking. Marina looked between the two. Sayo was the one to break the silence, having gathered her thoughts.

"Regardless of how much we practiced on our own, we have been away from each other as a band for months now. We will need to get playing with each other again." She glanced at Lisa again. "And even if you had rehearsed every day, singing lead vocals while playing is entirely new to you. It is not like singing backup, you have much more to consider."

"I know," Lisa said quietly.

"That said," Sayo said as Lisa continued thinking. "The decision is ultimately up to you. Until the show is over, you are our leader."

Lisa let out a sigh. Again the weight on her shoulders was apparent. Even if it was for one show, Lisa still wanted to make it count. This was the most important show they've ever done and she wanted to make sure they ended on a high note.

"Alright," She said finally. "Give me a month."

"There's a Saturday slot next month," Marina said, flipping the page and pointing out the date in the middle of the month to the two girls. 

"Great, we'll take it," Lisa confirmed.

"Got it," Marina said as she penciled them in. "It'll be nice to see you girls up on stage one more time."

"Now then," Sayo said as Ako and Rinko walked in the door. "Let us try not to disappoint."

Before long they had fliers printed out and posted around town. Sayo and Rinko broke the news to the members of Poppin'Party, Hello, Happy World, and Pastel*Palettes who went to Hanasakigawa, all of whom agreed to be there. Chisato went as far as threatening their agency with quitting if they didn't have the day off, a threat which was essentially toothless but got her point across.

Meanwhile at Haneoka it was Lisa and Ako who were spreading the news. Maya and Kaoru already knew, having been filled in by their band members by the time Lisa got to them. Ako talked to Rokka, who assured her that she'd try her best to get Raise a Suilen to agree to go. And so that only left Afterglow.

Lisa found them all on the roof. A shiver went down her spine as a stiff breeze blew by; It was definitely still winter and by the time Lisa had finished running around, the early sunset had begun. It made for a nice view, and one the Afterglow girls were enjoying as they talked and laughed with each other. Tomoe, leaning backwards against the rail, was the first to spot Lisa.

"Lisa-senpai," She called, standing up straight. Upon hearing Lisa's name, the other girls glanced over their shoulders. Lisa gave a half wave.

"Lisa-san," Moca called out, jerking her head towards the sunset. "Come join us."

"Ah, I just needed to tell you all about something," Lisa responded. "I didn't mean to barge in on your time."

"Nonsense," Ran replied, scooting a bit to make room for Lisa between herself and Moca. "You're more than welcome."

"Okay then," Lisa said with a small smile as she took the spot and leaned on the railing. She glanced down and got a bit nauseous, remembering the incident only last week.

"Hey," Ran interrupted Lisa's thoughts. "The view's forward, not down." 

"You're right," Lisa replied with a small chuckle, slightly relieved. "This place gives a nice view, doesn't it?"

"Why do you think we come up here?" Tomoe teased.

"You're going to be graduating next month, aren't you?" Tsugumi asked.

"Yeah," Lisa responded. She'd been so lost, she hadn't realized how close it was. The thought of graduating without Yukina made her choke up, the tears starting to leak. "I guess I am..."

The girls remained quiet, letting Lisa compose herself again. Lisa took a few deep but shaky breaths as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Once she was done, Himari spoke up.

"So what was it you wanted to tell us, Lisa-senpai?" The other bassist asked. 

"Right," Lisa said, pulling out one of the flyers they had made and handing it over to Ran, who took it and looked it over as Lisa spoke. "We decided to do a show. Both as a farewell concert and a sort of tribute. We're reserving tickets for all the bands. If you could come, of course."

Ran nodded in understanding as she looked over the flyer, before handing it off to Himari who pulled out her phone.

"We don't have anything scheduled for the band that day," Himari said, presumably looking through a calendar on her phone.

"Even if we did, I'd say we move it," Tomoe spoke up again. "This is important, much more than anything we'd be doing."

"Woah there, down girl," Moca teased. "I think we're all on the same page here."

"I agree," Ran said. "We'll be there, of course."

"Thanks," Lisa said with a sniffle. "I appreciate all of you."

"Come on, we haven't really done anything," Tomoe said. "You're a good band, we wouldn't miss your last show for the world."

Lisa nodded and looked back out at the sunset. She realized just how long it'd been since she felt present around friends. Not just being there physically but actually talking and connecting. She began tearing up again thinking about how badly she'd acted the past few months.

"Look what you did, Tomoe," Moca teased. "You made her cry again."

"Wha- but I- I didn't-" Tomoe stammered, causing Lisa to laugh through the tears.

For the next few weeks, all of Lisa's free time was spent practicing both with the band and on her own. The singing was difficult, not the least because the vocals were written for Yukina, a skilled and practiced singer. Even putting that aside, it was still hard for Lisa to fill the role. The lyrics were like Yukina's heart and soul, she had put so many feeling and emotions into them. And now Lisa had to try to coax those feelings out of the words on the page. To say it was a challenge would be an understatement. The work kept her mind busy though. 

Meanwhile rehearsals with the band were going surprisingly well. While they still had to get used to Lisa singing, the instrument lines themselves fit together like they had never gone away. That didn't stop Lisa from crying frequently though. Even with her mind distracted, the songs still poked at the wound in her heart and they'd have to take breaks during rehearsals to give Lisa time to recover. She powered through it though and as the month went on that need became less frequent.

Finally the night of the show arrived. Even before the doors opened, the area around CiRCLE was packed. According to Marina, once news got out that Roselia was doing one last show, people immediately started coming in to reserve tickets. It was easily a full house and the energy among the fans was intense.

Inside the dressing room however, the air was heavy. The girls nerves began manifesting themselves; Sayo was picking at an imaginary guitar, Ako and Rinko were insepereable, and Lisa paced the room. They hadn't done a show since before the accident and despite all the rehearsing and preparation, it was still nerve wracking. Afterall, they had never performed without Yukina.

There was a small knock on the dressing room door.

"Are you girls decent?" A man called from the other side.

"Yes, what is it?" Lisa called back.

Poking his head through the door was Yukina's father. He stepped inside and looked over the four of them.

"Well, you girls look like you could use a pick-me-up," He said, setting a box of chocolates onto the table in the middle of the room. The girls perked up one by one and passed the box around, relaxing a bit as they indulged.

"Now that's more like it," Mr. Minato said with approval.

"Thank you, Minato-san," Lisa said with a smile. The others echoed her, showing him their thanks, which he waved off.

"It's the least I can do," He said. "If anything I should be thanking you all. You didn't have to do this show but I can think of no better way to honor Yukina. So truly, thank you."

He began to sniffle and cry. Lisa looked down. On one hand she sympathized with him of course. She too had lost Yukina, her best friend. On the other hand, she still had her family. For Mr. Minato, Yukina was not only his daughter, but the only family he had left. On that level, Lisa couldn't possibly know how he felt. It made her previous behavior feel that more shameful. 

"Ah, sorry," Mr. Minato said as he calmed down. "Didn't mean to be a downer. I just came by to say thanks and wish you all good luck."

"Minato-san," Lisa called as the man turned to leave. He looked back over his shoulder. Lisa gave him a reassuring smile. "Thank you for everything. We'll do our best."

"You always do," He responded. "Are you going to sing that song?"

Lisa nodded in confirmation. Mr. Minato smiled.

"Good. Make us proud," He said before leaving the room.

"Alright," Sayo said with a deep breath. "It's time."

The other girls nodded, now determined more than ever not to let anyone down. Not their fans, not Yukina's father, and not Yukina herself.

It was eerily quiet as the girls stepped onto stage. Normally their appearance would prompt cheers and applause from the audience. Instead a somber air filled the room. They came out in their usual formation, the only difference being the obvious space where Yukina stood. Taking the spot was the one thing Lisa couldn't bring herself to do. 

"We are Roselia," Lisa spoke into the microphone before giving Rinko a nod. The girl nodded back and laid her hands on her keyboard. With a deep breath, the first notes of Black Shout filled the air. They had decided early on that it would be their opener; it was heavy on backup vocals and would give both Lisa and the audience a chance to experience the change in lead without leaving Lisa too exposed. As the song went on, Lisa gradually became more and more confident, even feeling comfortable enough to raise her pinkie to her eye for a moment, a move Yukina always did for the song.

Once they finished there was a pause, a hesitation. It was as if the audience was silently asking whether to cheer or continue the somber attitude from before the show. That was until one person broke the silence, yelling Roselia's name. Because of the lights, Lisa didn't know for sure who it was. But it was a man's voice, and a familiar one at that. Regardless, it was enough to send the audience into an uproar. With smiles on their faces, Lisa indicated for the girls to move onto the next song.

The concert was exhilarating. Lisa never felt more alive as they went through the setlist. Roselia never felt more emotionally powerful. All four girls poured all their love and respect for Yukina into the music. They tore through the setlist with a burning passion, hitting songs what allowed each girl to shine. Sayo took the spotlight in Determination Symphony, her focus felt by everyone in the room. Rinko shined in Ringing Bloom, her notes striking everyone's hearts. Ako played though Opera of the Wasteland with a huge smile on her face, her energy electric.

Finally they came to the last song. The girls stood panting, awaiting Lisa's signal. Lisa herself stared out into the crowd, or what she could see of it through the lights. Lisa had never told Roselia about the song. She had never told anyone. When it was suggested as the closer during planning, Lisa had froze. But she practiced. And she practiced. And she practiced. And now it was time. Lisa nodded and the intro began.

"Betrayals stay obscure," Lisa began as the intro came to a close and the vocals began. She had to fight it, the urge to break down. The urge to stop everything and just collapse.

"Even now weakness is spreading in my mind."

Push on, she urged herself. 

"Pretending not to see I have no qualification to sing."

Make them proud.

"Your words turned on a flame,"

Prove you're strong.

"Into my empty eyes."

The world around her froze. As everything faded away, she saw it: silver hair glittering in the lights. A hand reached out to her and Lisa reached back, finally taking in her own.

"LOUDER, you're my everything!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is. After nearly 2 months, it's over. I'm really happy with how this ended up and this is easily my favorite chapter. I say over and ended but I will be doing an epilogue because I can't let this last idea go. So I won't be marking this as completed jist yet.


	7. Epilogue

A young woman stepped off the train. The platform of her hometown was quiet compared to the hustle and bustle of Tokyo where she was going to school. A light snow fell and gusts of wind would brush by, sending the girl's brunette hair blowing behind her. It was peaceful, but she was there that day for a specific reason.

She huddled in her coat against the cold as she made her way through town. Her first destination was the flower shop. As she stepped inside she saw a familiar face browsing the plants.

"It's been a while," Ran noted as she noticed the girl come in.

"It has," the girl replied. 

"I was expecting you'd be home today. Important day."

"Yeah," the girl replied, looking down.

"Well don't let me stop you," Ran said with a smile. "I'm sure she's waiting."

"You're right. She was never the most patient girl, and I've kept her waiting long enough."

The girl made her purchase, buying two flowers: a rose and a camellia. Afterwards she departed, heading to her main destination. It was a surreal experience, the trip across town. She'd see people on the streets who'd recognize her and give her a wave. She'd wave back, as normal as it felt. Others, those who knew what day it was, would simply nod as she passed and she'd return a sad smile. Finally she reached her destination, standing at the entrance of a cemetary.

It didn't take long for the girl to find the grave she was looking for. It seemed many others had her idea as well and the grave was covered in roses and camellias. The girl kneeled in front of the grave, placing her own flowers with a smile.

"Yukina," She said, already starting to tear up. "Sorry I'm late. I should have visited you sooner but... I couldn't bring myself to come here. I hope you can forgive me."

There was a moment of silence as the girl studied the grave. Finally she began to sing.

"Red signposts link fates, I just face forward and aim for them."

The girl sang in a quiet voice. She stared at the grave as she started, but tears quickly blurred her vision completely so instead she closed her eyes as her voice filled the small space between her and the stone.

"Even if my heart froze over, you would always be there to hold me and tell me, 'it will be okay'"

She continued. It wasn't steady. It wasn't performance quality. It was broken up by sniffles and shaking breaths. But she sang. She sang in Yukina's memory. After some time kneeling in the cold, tears falling down her cheeks and dripping onto the ground beneath her, she made it to the final chorus.

"A single drop of a smile diffuses into happiness. I'll accept everything, even tearful nights. And believe the world will change. It's so filled with kindness. Enough that tomorrow will be dazzling, too. Thank you..."

As she finished she wiped her tears and opened her eyes. Before her, perched on top of the stone, was a gray cat. The girl brinked, trying to clear her vision and make sure she wasn't seeing things. She stared at the cat. The cat stared back with a sharp gaze. Eventually the girl let out a small laugh and reached out a hand to pet the cat. The cat responded by nuzzling her hand and purring as it was pet.

"She would've liked you," the girl told the cat. "She loved cats."

The cat meowed in reply. It must have been a stray as it didn't have any collar.

"Imai-san," a voice called out from behind the girl. She turned to see three girls standing behind her and smiled. As she turned back though, the cat had disappeared. Surprised, the girl looked around the stone.

"What are you doing?" Ako asked as the girl scrambled.

"Did you see a cat just now?" The girl replied.

"A cat?" Sayo asked. "No, I haven't seen one."

"Maybe I was imagining things..." The girl muttered. Shaking it off, she got up and joined the three girls. "Anyway, dinner right? I'm starving."

As the four began to walk away, Lisa heard one more meow. She turned to see the cat once again perched on the stone. It remained there for a moment longer before fading away. Lisa blinked rapidly and rubbed her eyes. It made no difference, the cat was gone. Still Lisa smiled. Real or not, Lisa would always remember that silver cat sitting atop her best friend's grave on that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this didn't take long. I already had it pretty much all written in my head, I just needed to type it, proofread, etc. Anyway, here's the actual end of the story. Overall I enjoyed writing this, even if it was a heavy topic. For the most part I'm happy with it and I'm glad you enjoyed it, those of you who did. If you didn't well, sorry.


End file.
